Garbage Man, M.D.

I've always wanted to pitch an idea to a major television network. I've been rolling an idea for one in my mind for a while now (since sophomore year of high school, I think) and I believe it's turned out well. In my opinion, there are two things that make a great primetime drama. 1) A catchy theme song. 2) An amazing pilot episode.

Luckily, I just happen to have both. Now before I release these to the Internet I would like you to promise to not steal my ideas. Of course, I don't trust you so I am hereby invoking a REAL DEAL COPYRIGHT. Well let's get this thing going.

TITLE: Garbage Man, M.D.
THEME SONG:

He's a Garbage Man...
Who's also a Doctor Man.
He'll sew you up with used dental floss,
And fill your veins with used tomato sauce.

He's the Garbage Man...
Who's also a Doctor Man.
He'll ease your pain
With 10 CC's of cocaine,
He'll beat off the hobos eating your brain,
You'll become his biggest fan...
He's Garbage MAN!!!
M...D...

PILOT EPISODE (Runtime: Approx. 5 minutes):

[Garbage Man M.D. walks into the Mayor's office wearing the skin of a prostitute]

Mayor: What in god's name do you think you're doing, Garbage Man M.D.!?

GM: What does it look like I'm doing? I'm out on the streets saving goddamn lives!

Mayor: You're a garbage man!

GM: I'm a doctor first and I always will be!

Mayor: I don't give a flying fuck if you're a doctor or not! Your methods and tools are dangerous and I won't stand for it! You are a menace and you're endangering countless lives!

GM: I'm SAVING lives you fool! Why do you think I spend so much time in the sewers? It's not so I can bathe in feces, you know. I do it in order to collect the feces and inject it into my patients' bloodstream. Then, maybe, if there's any left I'll bathe in it, but that rarely ever happens!

Mayor: Are you listening to yourself? You're a psycho!

GM: Would a psycho have these? [pulls out a handful of pigeons coated in motor oil and lashed together with dental floss]

Mayor: I think it's safe to say yes. Plus, if you haven't noticed, your assistant is a mangy old dog.

GM: Watch what you say about my wife, asshole!

Mayor: I've had just about enough of this, Garbage Man M.D.. I want you to stop practicing street medicine and get back to your real job---picking up garbage.
[Garbage Man M.D. scowls and turns to leave. The Mayor takes a bite out of his ribblet sandwich and then quickly clutches his chest]
My God! I'm having a heart attack!
[Garbage Man M.D. looks back but just shakes his head and continues to walk]
Garbage Man M.D., please save me! I'm dying.
[Garbage Man M.D. stops but doesn't turn around]

GM: Save you like you saved my daughter?

Mayor: [gasping for breath] No, Garbage Man M.D., that was an accident! I tried to help her with that harpoon gun. I wanted her to grab onto it and have me pull her back to the boat, not have it rip through her face!

GM: Perhaps. But I guess we'll never know. Now please...just die. I have hobo abortions to perform. [straightening his prostitute skin jacket he steps from the room and out of view]

THE END, MOTHERFUCKERS!