Metrosexual Dogs

It is my assumption that when a Buddhist meets the lifeform they are destined to be reborn as while biking through the woods on a Saturday, that there is some sort of spiritual connection that links their beings together for some magical instant wherein their souls may blend together in a creamsicle like twist of orange and...cream. Oddly enough, the same thing happened to me today when I rode my bike past the exact breed of dog the Internet quiz "What Breed of Dog Are You?" predicted me to be. There was no spiritual link, no metaphysical bond that merged that Bernese Mountain Dog and I, but nonetheless, as I sped by and our eyes met and his tongue had this big dollop of drool on it and his owner yanked on his choke collar to stop the dog from being hit by me which caused the dollop to cascade onto the asphalt, we became one. I instantly saw in my mind a scene from Lassie when little Timmy was stuck in a well and I thought to myself that, if I were a Bernese Mountain Dog, I too would spend my days saving young boys. The scene faded but just as quickly another one popped into my mind, this time of a female Bernese Mountain Dog with a Milkbone and she was beckoning to me and she had another Milkbone and somehow I knew that that Milkbone was for me. But as a slight smile graced my face, the link was severed by the screams of my sister saying something like "my helmet is so ITCHY!" and that was it.

On a topic not even remotely related to canines, I have decided to grow my hair out so as to obtain some sort of long, characteristically dog-like mane of shimmering dark brown, wavy hair that I can toss side to side in a carefree almost sensual yet still masculine manner. If all goes well, I may attract some homogametes in the process and that, ladies and gentlemen, is not a bad thing at all. In a way though, it's sort of sad because, as you probably know, hair length is inversely proportional to a person's likelihood of joining the Marine Corps. The beauty of the situation though, is that I've never had an interest in joining the Marine Corps! The Navy, maybe, but that's just because one time I toured a decommissioned submarine and the tour guide said that sailors got free refills regardless of rank and that got me thinking, what other armed service allows the lowest of the enlisted men and the highest of the officers to be unquestionable equals in terms of opportunity for massive soft drink consumption? Alas though, the perks of military life is a subject left for some other blog entry on some other day.

I will leave you with one last thing that's been weighing on my mind all day. The shirt I'm wearing today says "My favorite class at Allegheny College is Nap-101" and it's not even true.

What's a guy to do?