Arnold and Me

My family and friends have often asked me what it's like to be applying to medical school. I tend to meet their question with a generic response which, in terms of thoughtfulness and depth, lies somewhere on the spectrum between a giggle and a slow nod. I'll say things like, "It's rough" or, "The process is pretty tedious," but I always make sure to shy away from details. It's not because the questions annoy me. No, I hold back the specifics not because I want to, but because I have to. In all seriousness, and without hyperbole, if med school applicants were to clue in the general public on the ins and outs of the application process, our health care system would cease to exist. Nobody would agree to go through with it.

Perhaps surprisingly, the medical school admissions process has a lot in common with The Running Man, that 1987 movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. If you haven't seen it, the basic premise is that "The Running Man" is a futuristic game show where convicts are given the chance to run to freedom all the while being chased by "stalkers" who are trying to brutally murder them before they escape.

For med school, each school you apply to sends its own team of stalkers who will try and take you down. Defeat the first stalker and you get a secondary application, defeat the next and you get an interview, defeat the third and you get your acceptance letter. Sure, like Mr. Schwarzenegger, you might yell out a witty phrase like "He had to split!" or "What a pain in the neck!" after cutting in half and strangling two respective stalkers, but the plain truth of it is that the majority of your time is spent huddling in dumpsters and crapping your pants in fear.

Of course, the abilities and aggressiveness of the stalkers depends on the school. Drexel's stalkers might only have foam bats and a couple Nerf crossbows. Johns Hopkins' stalkers, on the other hand, have battling robots and an unending supply of heat-seeking lightsaber missiles.

It's a daunting task, and surviving is no easy feat. Yet we still do it. We endure the toil, the sharpened hockey sticks and the rolly-polly man who shoots lightning (seriously, watch the movie) so that we can eventually become doctors. After hearing the truth about the process, you may ask why it's worth it. I think we, as med school applicants, know the answer in our hearts. Though we may come from different backgrounds and bring with us different strengths and vulnerabilities, we all participate in the game because, well, we know that at the end we get to kill Richard Dawson.

"That hit the spot."