Haven't done one of these flashbacks in a while, so here goes:
On Wednesday Dick Cheney was here at Allegheny College. He was here to talk about how awesome he is or something. Supposedly Pennsylvania is something called a "swing state" and that means that people here like to hear lies more than people in other states. Wow, that last sentence was actually kind of politically charged--I don't think I've ever said, written, or mumbled under my breath anything politically charged before. Better log this day in my JOURNAL! WOW! That's what I'm doing right now! Holy crap! This is awesome! I'm recording events to be reexamined at a later date! Sweet! So anyway, I thought that the event would be worthy of one of my poems so here it goes. I've been toiling over this one for about three minutes now and I think it's turning out a-okay. Enjoy it or leave:
Dick Cheney came to my school,
Dick Cheney came today,
He brought his thirteen buses,
And then Dick went away.
But nigh before he sped off,
Into the sunset there,
He gave a heartfelt speech here,
and then his pants did tear.
Alright I faked that last one,
But hey it sort of fit,
I couldn't help it sorry,
I'll get on with this shit.
So Dick was here on Wednesday,
The cops were by his side,
This guy had some cool trailer,
Kerry givin' Bush a ride.
The day was not all fun though,
It was no cup of tea,
I had to walk 'round Edwards,
'Round Edwards just to pee.
They closed all of the roads here,
Not one not three but two,
I could not get to class then,
Nigh God could not get through.
I got back to my room then,
My room all warm and snug,
I tried to get my email,
But Dick had pulled the plug.
That's right he took our access,
He took our Internet,
Of course that's just conjecture,
But I'm willing to bet.
Who does he think he is, huh?
Is he so great first rate?
I wish I had a name-gun,
"Dick Cheney" meet your fate.
You might not get that last one,
That stanza's pretty vague,
Unless you're Seth or me my,
Or if you have the plague.
There was this sweet ass protest,
Outside the gym doors lined,
The liberals had these big signs,
And chants that blew my mind.
How could a human think these,
These chants that rocked my world,
"Drop Bush, not bombs" they shouted,
My hair it almost curled.
That's it that's all they've got here?
That's all that they can say?
At least shout out some curse words,
"Hey Bush F*** you, bay-bay."
Of course I am no liberal,
I ain't no Commi none,
Conservative no nothing,
I'm Rob just Rob my son.
But all and all that day was,
Sweet sweeter than sweet sweet,
My poem's almost done now,
Can't b'lieve I kept a beat.
So you know what they say there,
They say just what they say,
The walrus and the carpenter,
In all had one fine day.
Well, that's my poem and I hope you liked it. I have to say that I don't actually know what the word "nigh" means but I like to use it as some kind of negation or a one syllable "nada" or "nothing" or something. When you get down to it though, it doesn't really matter because it's poetry and honestly, how can you criticize something that is defined as "a pile of day old puke not fit for a dung beetle to die in"? That's right--you can't. That's poetry for you. Vomit. Brown, chunky vomit. Take that poetry.
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