Anamorphic Politicians Wear Holographic Sunglasses

Oakland International Airport smells like a mix between an old-folks home and an indoor swimming pool and I haven't the slightest idea why. Stranger even, is the fact that nobody notices it but me. I asked the man at the Sunglass Hut as I was browsing their selection of shades, none of which I would ever buy because sunglasses are a waste of time. It's common knowledge that the only good sunglasses are the ones I had as a kid that had a skull hologram on each lens. My friend had the same type of thing but instead of skulls he had fish. I asked the man working there if he had any of these and he said he didn't know what I was talking about but I suspect it's because he is a Pakistan man and everyone knows that Pakistan has yet to discover the power of the hologram. India has. But for some reason these two nations fight relentlessly which I suspect is quite a sight because I assume both countries fight while riding on elephants.

There are no elephants in North America. I can honestly say that this has many implications into all sorts of different areas of society. For example, if we had elephants, George Bush would not be president. You might think the opposite would be true since the symbol of the Republicans is an elephant, but think of it this way. I don't know why Republicans have the elephant and Democrats have that ass thing, but I assume it's because these are the animals that each political party can morph into in emergencies such as if the other political party gets too powerful and then use them to cleanse the world and start anew. Since this is undoubtedly the case, the presence of elephants would cause the Democrats to think that the Republicans had already morphed which would lead them to morph in response and the result would be the end of the world. Case closed.

What's important though, is how awesome it would be to live in an underwater retirement community. I would never have to bathe and my grandchildren would actually want to come visit me because they could swim.

They would want to bring their friends.