Once upon a time there was a boy named Rob. On Valentine's Day he ate so much chocolate that he died. Nobody cared because they were having too much fun eating chocolate.
The day after Valentine's Day the medical examiner performed an autopsy on Rob to see how he had died. She made the first incision, and from the fleshy crevice oozed a thick river of delicious chocolate. She took some on her finger and licked it up and it reminded her of how much she loved Valentine's Day. She then went home.
The morgue night staff continued to use Rob's carcass as a giant chocolate fondue pot, and dipped strawberries in him all night long and into the morning.
As the sun rose over the horizon the next morning, the city dumped Rob's body into a ditch off the highway. After a few hours, a family of raccoons found his body and dragged it into the woods. The mother raccoon birthed her babies in his remains and they fed on the sweet chocolate nectar that dripped from his innards until spring when they left.
Over the months, Rob's body decomposed and returned to the soil. A few weeks later a cocoa plant sprouted from his final resting place and once it had matured, a bear cub strolled by and ate it up.
The bear cub smiled as it chewed. "Mmm...chocolate," he thought.
The End
Happy Valentine's Day!
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Happy Valentines day to you. You dont seem to like this "holiday".
ReplyDeleteMy dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteHappy VD to you too!
Anyway, you actually couldn't be more wrong. I LOVE Valentine's Day. The purpose of this entry was to provide a "circle of life" sort of analogy that would symbolize the great depth and emotion of this momentous occasion.
In conclusion, thank you for giving me the opportunity to use the phrase "circle of life" in a non-Lion King related fashion. I hope that the remainder of your February is venereal disease free.
Chow,
Rob
Well, I am glad that you LOVE valentines day and thank you for clearing things up for me. I really did enjoy your circle of life story.
ReplyDeleteMMMM Chocolate!
Oh Anonymous, you make me happy. Let's be friends.
ReplyDeleteI will call you tomorrow and we will see a popular movie and then dine at a resturaunt rated highly by a reputable dining guide. Most likely Zagats.
Until then my newest friend,
Rob
I hear that Brokeback Mountain was highly rated among those who dined at a pretty fancy place called Red Lobster. If we see Brokeback Mountain and Dine at Red Lobster, that will give me many joys.
ReplyDelete(Anonymous, your new best friend name is Nony.)
ReplyDeleteHey Nony! Long time no see!
Red Lobster is my FAVORITE resturaunt ever besides Red Lobster 3000 which is just a regular Red Lobster equipped with a jetpack.
I had a dream about Red Lobster once. In the dream I was the KING of the lobsters in the tank because while everyone else had blue rubber bands holding their claws, mine were YELLOW. Then I got cooked.
Please write back because i wish to fine dine with you post haste. Also, if you don't mind, please clue me in on your shoe size.
Rob
Well, Nony is acceptable, but i usually like something more original. Maybe Anon or Nym but we will just stick with Nony.
ReplyDeleteRed Lobster 3000 seems awesome, but how come it is only equipped with one jet pack? What if, say, 3 people want to take off at the same time? Do they have to bind themselves to one another using rope or zip ties (very large zip ties).
There might also be a deeper meaning in your dream. The yellow rubber bands around your claws may signify that you are different or you want to express your individuality amongst lobsters who are all the same. I dont really know.
I will also do you one better. I will not give you my shoe size, but i usually prefer to buy socks that say M/L.
My, my, Nony. We are SO much the same! I also enjoy not telling people my shoe size but instead informing them of my prefered sock dimensions (which, like yours, is also a M/L!).
ReplyDeleteOh, perhaps I was not clear about Red Lobster 3000. The entire resturaunt is wearing a jetpack so that you can fly to Zimbabwe while you eat your New England clam chowder. I think they have a closet full of extras somewhere but I don't think any of them are human sized. You could try and wear one, Nony, but I think you would have to gain a LOT of weight. You would also need a drive-through.
Your interpretation of my lobster dream is QUITE fascinating, if I do say so. I am curious though, as to why you did not include the word "Zazoozaz" in your elucidation. I am a BIG fan of this word and it hurts that you would omit it so blatently. Though, maybe I simply forgot to mention this to you previously. I don't know.
WELL, let's continue learning about each other, shall we? Let me start by saying that I much prefer a gel toothpaste to any other kind.
So long for now,
Rob
Although I enjoy gel toothpaste, I usually dont buy that kind. I have really taking a likening to crest's refreshing vanilla mint toothpaste.
ReplyDeleteI also frantically searched for what the word zazoozaz means. My search has resulted with absolutely nothing. My search basically included me asking my roommate what this word meant to her. She was not much help though and laughed at me. So, this ended my frantic search. So this word zazoozaz, what does it mean?
That vanilla mint toothpaste does sound quite scrumptious. I think, though, that I would find it quite difficult to stop myself from downing a whole tube of that stuff in one sitting.
ReplyDeleteIt's unfortunate that your roommate is unfamiliar with the term zazoozaz. Where did you find her? Jupiter? Anyway, let me clue you in on the exact definition straight out of "Joey Compton's Great Book of Ska Bands and Sweet Ass Literary Dribble Featuring Kevin On Drums" which I'm sure you can find at your local bookstore.
adj. a term used to describe absolutely anything even remotely magnificent. Ex: That flying car is simply and unmistakenly zazoozaz.
Now that we have cleared that up, how often do you dance little jigs? I will also be needing a response from your roommate from Jupiter because Jan from accounting says so.