Talking To Children

I'll be the first to admit that a lot of things in life intimidate me. I know, I know, it's probably hard to believe considering how arrogant I am in my blog entries but whether you believe me or not, it's true. I am at heart a very anxious person and I often find myself feeling very uncomfortable when faced with certain situations. But I told myself that I'd stop this introduction before it went downhill so far as to become a suicide note so let's just leave it at this and I'll just move it along.

A few days ago it was my cousin's third birthday and before everyone else arrived, she asked me if I wanted to go on a walk. I eagerly agreed because everyone knows there's no other adjective that can be used to modify the word "agreed" when dealing with small children. But similar to the way college grads entering the real world with big dreams and a glimmering outlook on life get kneed in the crotch by reality, my "eagerness" for this little walk was quickly crushed like a pair of testicles when I realized how amazingly awkward a walk with a three year old really is.

Nobody really knows how to talk to a three year old but nobody admits it. I spent the entire walk desperately trying to keep up a conversation with little success. I tried every child conversation opener in the book.

(walking around in an awkward silence)
Me: ...Boy...those leaves sure are big. You could probably wear one as a hat.
3-Year Old: ... ... ...
Me: ...Look at all those birds. I guess they must really like flying because...they're...always...flying.
3-Year Old: ... ... ... ... ...
Me: What's your favorite kind of bird? I like ostriches.
3-Year Old: ... ...
Me: Are you sure you're three?
3-Year Old: ......Yes.
Me: Oh...good. Just checking. Haha...that would be pretty funny if everyone thought you were three but you really weren't...haha...you'd have tricked everyone...funny, huh?
3-Year Old: Let's go back.
Me: Oh...okay...yeah...this was fun don't you think?
3-Year Old: ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Also, I don't think I mentioned this but, my cousin is from China. She's adopted. They adopted her from China. She is Chinese. It's pretty noticeable and stuff, but I'm thinking that over time she may forget where she came from. One of my favorite restaurants is Panda Express ("It's finger Ling-Ling good!) because they serve drive-thru Chinese food and eating orange chicken in a Volvo stuck in rush hour traffic on the Capitol Beltway even though it's 11pm is just heavenly. There is no panda on the menu but pandas must have something to do with China so I was determined to ask my cousin about it if I ever take her there.

Just think, if I had a real life Chinese person in the car they might give me some sort of communist discount.