Neutralizing The Toxicity of Coherent Thought

I pride myself on writing blog entries that are insightful, ingenious, imaginative, and other fancy words that begin with the letter "I". There is hardly a doubt in my mind that this overwhelming dedication to sophisticated literary exposition is the paramount reason for the, on average, four unique hits my blog gets a week. But like most weavers of linguistic masterpieces, I often feel that my sheer level of prose, my, shall we say, grace of tongue, may sometimes alienate a few hopeful readers or, perhaps stated more eloquently, the sea of Internet dimwits. My greatest fear is that one of these lowly critters should happen upon my blog and, with pure glee, dive into an entry only to be sodomized by the big, black, penis that is "intelligent thought." But even now I have begun to waver in my mission to bring forward an entry that can be enjoyed by the masses by way of this high-brow anal sex analogy. It might be best to pause here as to gather my thoughts and continue with some topics more suited for monkeys and pop culture obsessed teenagers.

Popular Music

I thoroughly enjoy the Britney Spears song "Toxic," and though I'm most often ashamed to admit it, it is undeniably true. But perhaps I should expand on this idea. I don't like the words or the instruments or any other sounds or anything like that about the song. What I like is the music video for the song. But again, I must explain. I've never seen the real music video for the song and don't even know if there is one. What I have seen is a very funny video of a boy dancing around and whatnot to the song. The video is called Weird Kid Does Britney (Edit: you can't access this video anymore. Too bad for you.) and, if you decide to click on the link, just ignore all the hardcore porn advertisements in the margins and just watch the video and leave. This thing used to be all over the Internet but now this is the only site at which I can find it so....oh well. Perhaps, though, this is fortunate for me. Now if someone searches on Google for the phrase "hardcore porn" they may come across this blog entry and I will have succeeded in increasing the traffic to my site. Let me say that my favorite part about this particular video is when the boy brushes his hair. It's fantastic.

A "Like, oh my god, did that really happen to you?" Type of Story (Translated For Teens)

So, like, I was sitting at my desk reading this killer article on, like, deep sea fish and junk and Chuck totally just walks right up to me and is all up in my face telling me to do some sort of thing for this guy in the corner and he was using all these, like, sciencey words and stuff and I was, like, completely clueless as to what he was talking about but he finally, like, showed me and it turns out he totally wanted me to ultrasound some old guy's butt cheek. It was mega grody.

Unabashed Nudity

I got home from work today and, here it comes ladies, took off my pants and shirt and changed into some shorts and a t-shirt. I was probably naked for about twenty-six seconds.

So there it is, ladies and gentleman. Perhaps now I'll diversify my reader base and open up my blog to the entire world.

Until next time, folks.