The Joys of Metro Travel

Pros:

• Watching tourists desperately trying to figure out which train to get on or which stop to get off at.
• People giving me dirty looks on a crowded train because there's a newspaper on the empty seat next to me and they think I'm a jerk who won't move it because I don't want people sitting there when in reality the guy sitting there previously had just left it there and they could just come move it and sit down anytime.
• The look on people's faces as they realize that only half their group got on the train before the doors closed.
• Standing really close to the tracks as a train approaches and having it almost kill you as it thunders by.
• When the condensation from the air conditioning unit drips on other people.
• The lady who desperately tries to act like she's from the area by talking back to the doors when they say "doors closing" and who stands in the middle of the train not holding any of the handrails because she wants to prove that years of riding the Metro have given her superhuman balance but when all is said and done she gets off at Arlington Cemetery and falls on her face in the process as the train lurches to a stop thus blowing her cover.

Cons:

• Those idiots who stand still on the left side of the escalator and hold up the rest of us who know that the left side is for walking and the right side is for standing.
• The woman on the Metro who thinks you're looking at her when actually you're just watching the crazy homeless guy behind her talk to his reflection and thus she keeps tugging her blouse down and hiking her skirt up more and more thinking you want to have sex with her.
• The people who don't know how to use their farecards.
• Having your face crushed into the armpit of a large African-American woman on a crowded train.
• Standing next to that guy who keeps scratching at his crotch and most of the time his hand brushes your crotch on the way to his own.
• When the condensation from the air conditioning unit drips on you.